I'm Sorry
by alecsangryface
Summary: Lydia knows what is going on between the two of them, how could she not when she had the same thing with John.
**A/N: I'm Lydia Branwell trash. It's official.**

Lydia was tired of the glares she was receiving from both Jace and Isabelle, it was petty and unnecessary, but she could handle it. What she couldn't handle was the fact that they thought the whole thing was _her_ fault. Alec had proposed to _her._ It was _his_ idea. Neither of them wanted this, being trapped in a loveless marriage for nothing more than political gain, but Jace and Isabelle had to understand their reasons for the arrangement.

The hostility she faced every time she walked into a room had to stop. She had made herself very clear with Jace and Isabelle, knowing that they wouldn't listen to her so she was left with the only option of asking Alec to talk to them. She was her own woman and certainly didn't need protection against them, asking Alec to say something was for her own peace and nothing more.

She stopped when she reached the entrance of the training room. Alec was once again training in the vain hope that hitting something would relieve him of his stronger emotions. Lydia was not blind, she could appreciate how good he looked in his training gear, how his muscles flexed under his pale skin and how his form was very close to perfect, but it wasn't enough for her to even begin thinking about him beyond the feelings of a dubious friendship. John's loss was still too raw and tender for her to think about ever having those feelings again.

But that wasn't what made her stop. Alec was with the warlock, Magnus Bane. There was a part of her that was excited to meet the man that her ancestor had written so fondly about, but at the same time there was a much larger part of her that realised what was happening.

The two of them were stood closer together than was usual for knowing each other 'a little' as Alec had claimed. They were stood close enough that Magnus very obviously had to tilt his head back to look at Alec's face. His whole body was angled towards Alec as if he were being pulled by a magnet, but the sorrow in his eyes made Lydia's heart ache; she had noticed that same look on her face in the mirror every day since John's death. But despite the sorrow, Magnus still looked like he had the entire world in his hands, like being allowed to stand that close to Alec was nothing short of a holy experience.

Alec was different. He was clearly oblivious to the effect he was having on Magnus. Yet the effect Magnus was having on him was apparent to him. He was stood a little taller, more open and infinitely more at ease with himself. Lydia had to control herself when she caught a glimpse of Alec's face. He was failing miserably at keeping his emotions in check like he had been taught to. It was always hard to see someone's stony resolve begin to crack. Just a look from Magnus was enough to force Alec's to shatter; like Magnus being sad was the first sign of Judgement Day.

Lydia felt wrong watching them like this, in a moment that was so clearly hard for the both of them. A moment where they were bearing themselves to the other and holding nothing back. She remembered looking at John in the same way, it make her ache for the old days before everything went wrong. She would never regret any moment she spent with John even with the despair that came after it. She wasn't going to let Alec pass that opportunity up if he was willing to take it.

Shaking herself free from those thoughts she strode into the room. She faltered slightly when she saw the two men jump away from each other like they had been burned, but she carried on. She was a woman on a mission and she wouldn't be stopped.

"Alec! You never told me that you were close friends with Magnus Bane" She looked expectantly at him, the mask she had created for herself easily slipping into place. Her eyes flickered to Magnus to see what he was thinking, but his mask of indifference was already firmly in place.

Alec floundered for a second before he shook himself out of it, "Yeah err Lydia Branwell, this is Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn. Magnus Bane, Lydia Branwell, Envoy from the Clave" He waved a hand between the two of them. Magnus accepted the hand she offered to him.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mr Bane" She would be as gracious to this man as she could, it was very likely that he was going through enough today without the added extra of the usual Shadowhunter distain of Downworlders, "My ancestor, Henry, wrote a lot about you. He said the Branwell's would always be in your debt. Thank you"

Magnus looked less than happy to be talking to her, but at the mention of Henry he softened slightly. "Henry was one of the best men I've known. From what I've heard you are more like his wife Charlotte Fairchild"

"It is very kind of you to say so, Mr Bane" Lydia gave him a warm smile that grew wider upon his shock at her niceties. She turned back to Alec, "I came to find you because you need to tell your siblings to back off. I can handle the petty comments but I will not have them thinking I forced you into this"

Alec sighed and glanced at Magnus, "I'll talk to you another time then, Magnus" He slunk off out the door and down the corridor to the bedrooms, no doubt to clean up before he had to deal with his siblings. Lydia touched Magnus' arm as a signal to stay when he made to follow Alec's departure.

"I see the way you look at him and him at you" She said softly. He wrenched his arm away from her. Lydia would be lying if she said it didn't hurt her.

"Branwell's always did talk nonsense" Magnus replied, his attempt at humour just missing the mark. Any other time Lydia would have let him get away with it. Not this time, not when she could do something.

"The way Alec looks at you is the way John used to look at me. Confused, intrigued but no doubt interested" Lydia whispered sadly, shaking her head when Magnus went to place a hand on her shoulder in the hopes of providing some comfort, "I told Alec that the only thing worth falling in love with was the work. I shouldn't have because now he thinks that what he could have with you will only end in heartbreak."

"You don't have to say anything" Magnus smiled sadly. Lydia was sure he understood loss and was probably the closest thing she had to anyone understanding how she felt. She shook her head as he said, "I understand"

Lydia drew in a calming breath, her voice betraying her being shaky when she continued talking. "What I should have told him was that I don't regret ever falling in love with John. Every second with him was worth all this pain now. If I could go back in time and do it all over again, I wouldn't change anything. I'm not going to let Alec make that mistake. We all deserve a chance at happiness, wherever it comes from"

Magnus narrowed his eyes as if he were suddenly seeing Lydia for the first time again. She struggled not to squirm under his scrutiny. He was somehow able to seem hundreds of years old with that look despite not appearing any older than twenty. Then he smiled and it was breath-taking.

Lydia had poured over her great ancestor's journals in her late teens, she had been fascinated by the man that changed their world forever. Whenever he wrote about Magnus he had always written that he was an intelligent man that knew more than everyone thought. Only one did Henry ever describe Magnus physically. It was after a particular event that required the warlock's assistance and someone had praised his good work, causing him to genuinely smile. Henry said that it was a smile so unguarded and free that everyone who saw it would have a difficult time resisting joining in. Lydia hadn't believed anyone could be like that until now.

"You Branwell's" Magnus said fondly with a laugh, "You are quick to make me change my mind about you. I guess you're more like Henry than I originally thought"

Lydia smiled and placed a hand on Magnus' forearm, "On my honour as a Branwell, I promise you that I'll try to make Alec see sense"

"If it is what he wants" Magnus replied sadly, his eyes dropping to drill holes in the floor, "I just want him to be happy"

"I know. I'm sorry" She squeezed where she was holding him, the only comfort she could offer while they were under the watchful eyes of the Institute. She let go with a nod and began to walk off so Magnus could have a second to himself.

"Lydia!" He called, his hands twisting together in front of him as he rocked up onto his toes. It was almost funny to her that a man that had been alive for so long couldn't remain still, but they weren't friends, just people who wanted the same thing. "Thank you and call me Magnus"

Lydia smiled and nodded once more. She would have her work cut out for her, but it was nothing she couldn't handle. She was Lydia Branwell and she was going to make sure Alec Lightwood was happy even if it meant sacrificing her own dreams.


End file.
